I’m choosing to be a caretaker for my family instead of having kids of my own. I’m giving back to my mom.

by | Dec 16, 2025 | Article, Parenting & Lifestyle, Personal Essay

Dec 16, 2025, 4:26 AM MT Save Saved Add us on Kim Izaguirre-Merlos says she's never felt like getting married and having kids was right for her. Instead, she's felt a pull to be there for her immediate family, especially after her mom got sick. She now lives with her mom and family, which is where she feels she's needed. This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Kim Izaguirre-Merlos, an ICF Certified Coach and founder of How We Won. It's been edited for length and clarity. I've been in a caretaking role for most of my life. We lost my dad when I was 11, and my mom had a stroke soon after. As the only girl in a Latino immigrant family, I grew up carrying responsibility early. That early experience of taking care of my family members, coupled with my take-charge personality, has shaped every stage of my life, including my decision not to have children. I never saw myself on a traditional path In the town I come from, it's really common to stay here, fall in love, get married, and start a family. But it was never a path I saw for myself, partially because my upbringing had provided me with very strong lessons about what it takes to raise kids. In high school, when everyone was dating, I remember thinking marriage and kids weren't interesting to me. Then, in my mid-20s, I had a spinal injury that left me learning how to walk again. The chronic pain that followed, combined with severe menstrual issues I'd spent years normalizing, made me unsure whether my body could handle pregnancy and birth. I was already living with so much pain that the idea of adding more felt like too big a sacrifice. Kim Izaguirre-Merlos with her mom on her birthday in the early 2000s. Kim Izaguirre-Merlos with her mom on her birthday in the early 2000s. Courtesy of Kim Izaguirre-Merlos

Business Insider, December 2025

This as-told-to essay shares Kim Izaguirre-Merlos’s story. She’s never felt like getting married and having kids was right for her, and instead, she’s felt a pull to be there for her immediate family, especially after her mom got sick.